Pity Party For One

'Mitch had regrets. Not as many as Mr. Laidlaw, but enough. There were so many questions he had never asked himself. If playing football made him so unhappy, why had he cared so much about being good at it? Wasn't it cosmically unfair that some people were able to love ZZ Top, but he couldn't even like them? How did he really feel about his friends? How did they really feel about him? Would they cry at his funeral, or would they just sit there and think about themselves? Had he unconsciously planned on living in Owl for the rest of his life? It dawned on him that he was going to die a virgin. Did that make his death sadder? Well, he thought, at least I'm dying while I still want to live. He dropped to his knees. Even though the denim was frozen stiff, he could still feel the snow through his pants. I could just lie down, he thought. Lying down would make me feel better. Everyone always says that about freezing. Everyone says it's the easiest way to go. You just fall asleep. But Mitch did not do this. He did not lie down. He stayed on his knees, and he kept his eyes open. He could not stand up, but he could still remain vertical. He crossed his arms and waited. "I will sleep when I'm dead," he thought. I will sleep when I'm dead." And this is what he continued thinking, until it was true.'